Remember small talk with strangers? Cocktail parties and the attendant chit-chat you’d make as you sipped a glass of Chardonnay in someone’s living room, or nursed a too-strong gin and tonic amidst a group of friends at a bar? Dinner parties where you politely conversed with the people on either side, finding out that the man to your left is an accountant who builds wooden canoes in his spare time and that the woman to your right only likes to humble brag about her three children?
Instead of the typical “what do you do?” and “where do you live?”, it’s nice to lean on a few reliable ways to encourage substantial conversation or spark interesting chatter (whether with people you don’t know or people you do). I’ve learned this by watching my mom who is the queen of conversation—within minutes, she’ll have someone spilling their life story, and not just the superficial bits, but the real and important parts.
We tease her for her ability to connect with anyone: the guy sitting next to her on a plane, people passing her on the trail on her morning run, the grocery store cashiers. Once she invited a guy home for lunch who was waiting behind her in line to pay for craft supplies at Michaels. But as she’d say, it’s not complicated: the best way to be interesting is to be interested. She geniunely likes knowing about people.
I’m not saying you should attempt to wrest someone’s deepest secrets and desires from them—there’s no need to turn any small conversation into a therapy session (although right now we could probably all use it!)—there’s a wide spectrum from light-hearted small talk to intense confessions.
In between those two extremes are so many fascinating bits and pieces that make up who we all are, and with the right questions, there are ways to get at those. Plus, it’s more fun to talk about whether one would prefer to live at the beach or in the mountains, or what one would do for work if logistics were no object, than to go over the basic outlines of politics and plans and people in common.
Did you ever see that New York Times quiz with 36 questions to ask a partner or friend? The list is designed to get down to the nitty-gritty of someone—to help you really get to know them. It has questions like “who would you want as a dinner guest” and “what would constitute a perfect day for you” and “when did you last sing to yourself”.
Here’s what I’d ask:
-If you could invent an ice cream flavor, what would it be?
-Do you read books? How often? If so, what sort of things?
-Do you shower in the morning or at night or both?
-If you had to get a tattoo, what would it be?
The last one I particularly like—if, of course, you already have a tattoo (or many), than presumably you’ve already answered this. Unless it was a random image chosen on a youthful whim, in which case, you can still answer. It says a lot: What in your life is enduring and important enough to permanently carry around with you? What makes you happy to think about or look at?
[Now that I consider tattoos from the perspective of that last question, I finally can understand why a girl I knew after college got TWO TACOS tattooed above her breasts. I mean, would you ever not like tacos? No. Maybe she was onto something.]
I’d pick one of the following: a tiny arc of four delicate hollow circles, each one slightly bigger than the previous, to represent the four sisters in my family. We’d each have the same tattoo, but with a different circle filled in to correspond with our place in the order of four. (Okay YES, I have suggested this to them and NO, they are not on board. Whatever. It’s brilliant.)
Or, I’d get a very, very small and very delicate rendering of a tree, its leafy branches spread wide. It would remind me of rootedness, of staying grounded, of the wide world around us, of stepping outside and breathing fresh air and nature.
Now I’m assuming you’re sitting there with bated breath, anxiously awaiting my answers to the other questions, unable to carry on with your day until you find out WHEN I SHOWER. I kid. But I’m going to tell you anyway because you’re here, so HA.
Question 3: I shower in the morning and at night, because I like being squeaky clean and I swim twice a day, therefore necessitating a shower. Also, putting on clean pajamas after a hot shower at night is a small yet lovely pleasure. Also, I have spit-up on my being 90% of the time nowadays.
Question 2: You probably have gathered by now that yes I read and yes I do it all the time (but mostly during lunch/solo meals and historically before bed) and I read everything (but mostly always fiction).
Question 1: Oddly enough, I’ve not given this question much thought, but I love it! (Duh. I wrote it.) Lately I’m in a fierce ice cream phase, and constantly debating which brands to order, and I find myself often thinking “so close” when I look at flavor lists. Much like store-bought granola, even the best ice cream often slightly misses the mark: I wish it had a bolder flavor or more mix-ins or less sugar or a creamy texture. My preferences on ice cream go as follows: very high-quality ingredients, not too sweet, good meltability and creaminess, excellent and sizable mix-ins, NOTHING SPLASHY (Oreo ice cream/Selena Gomez-themed ice cream/Ben & Jerry’s core series—I’m looking at you).
Some of the best ice cream flavors are ones that utilize really good baked goods (like raspberry jelly doughnut or gooey butter cake or Boston cream pie or seven layer bar), or channel really good sweets (like PB&J or milk & cookies or peaches & clotted cream) . There should be textural contrasts of mix-ins, and just like any good dish, a balance of flavors: salt or sour or acid to counteract the sweetness.
Some of the best-sounding ones I’ve seen lately: wild Maine blueberry crisp, molasses cookie, passion fruit creme brûlée, heirloom corn masa, buttermilk lemon bar, black & white cookie, and jasmine rice pudding.
But now, whenever I bake something, I find myself wondering whether it would translate nicely to an ice cream flavor.
(Yes, I would love to open my own ice cream shop called POSIE’S, thank you for asking.)
Lately, here’s what I think would be good:
-Sweet cream ice cream with chunks of sour cream banana bread and swirls of dark chocolate [SEE BELOW!]
-Chocolate ice cream with salted rye chocolate cookie pieces
-Marshmallow ice cream with chopped-up Rice Krispie treats and sprinkles [hi, I’m 33 and I love sprinkles]
-Ginger ice cream with crystallized ginger and bits of chewy molasses-ginger cookies
-Custard ice cream with pieces of eclair dough (pate a choux dough), a ribbon of pastry cream, and fudge chunks
-Chocolate babka ice cream
-Lemon meringue pie cream with softened meringue chunks, a lemon curd swirl, and pie crust pieces
-Carrot cake ice cream with a cream cheese frosting swirl
-Eton mess ice cream with softened meringue chunks, ribbons of jammy berries, and lemon zest
-Apple cider doughnut ice cream with apple cider doughnut pieces in a cider ice cream base
-Coconut cake ice cream with a creamy coconut base, chunks of coconut cake, a coconut frosting swirl, and toasted coconut
Okay, clearly I have to cut myself off or we’ll be here all weekend.
If you don’t want to make your own ice cream, but you like the idea of these flavors, you can always hack it by letting a pint of vanilla ice cream soften, then chopping up your [cake/cookie/muffin/etc.] and mixing it in yourself, Coldstone-style, along with anything else like [pudding, nuts, chopped chocolate, etc.] and re-freezing it.
Try it with this banana bread recipe! Soften a pint of vanilla, add chunks of this banana bread, make a simple chocolate ganache (I like this recipe) and let it cool and stir in a few dollops, using a knife to “ribbon” the chocolate through the pint before refreezing.
Sour Cream Banana Bread
Makes one 9” x 5” loaf
1/2 cup (113g) unsalted butter, softened
3/4 cup (160g) brown sugar
2 eggs, at room temperature
1/2 cup (113g) sour cream
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1/4 teaspoon almond extract
3 ripe bananas, mashed
2 cups (240g) all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
turbinado sugar, for sprinkling
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F and lightly grease a 9” x 5” loaf pan (a 8 1/2” x 4 1/2” pan will work as well).
In the bowl of a stand mixer, cream together the butter and brown sugar until fluffy, about 3 minutes on medium-high speed.
Add the eggs, one at a time, beating well between each and scraping down the bowl as needed.
Add the sour cream, vanilla, and almond extract and mix well.
Add the mashed bananas and beat for another minute or two on medium-high speed.
Add the flour, baking soda, and salt and mix until the batter is just combined.
Scrape the batter into your prepared pan. Sprinkle a generous amount of turbinado sugar (I probably use a tablespoon or two) on top in an even layer.
Bake for about 60 to 65 minutes, or until a tester inserted into the center just comes out clean with no wet batter clinging to it. DO NOT OVERBAKE or the bread will be dry!