Things that make me feel more like myself:
The smell of wood smoke in early fall
Thinking about books I loved when I was little (the Betsy-Tacy series, the Mennyms, Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle, The Hobbit)
Arguments (the right kind)
Music I listened to in high school and still do (Indigo Girls, Simon & Garfunkel, The Beach Boys)
Running in the early morning
The smell of melting chocolate (see: warm chocolate chip cookie cake, below)
Poetry (the right kind, see: Major Jackson’s poem Cries and Whispers, below)
Things that make me feel less like myself:
The news
Television series with certain senses of humor (White Lotus—sorry I know everyone loves it, Letterkenny, Bojack Horseman)
Arguments (the wrong kind)
Crowded, scene-y restaurants
Group workout classes
Uncomfortable pants
Big box stores
Poetry (the wrong kind, see: most of everything I ever read in school)
Anyway, not that I keep this running list on a regular basis, but sometimes it’s nice to stop and remember what to gravitate towards, and not worry about the other stuff. If you’d like a taste of my first list, here’s the poem and the cookie recipe to follow:
Cries and Whispers [Major Jackson]
Each day I forget something, but happy
I never forget to wake
to the bright corollas of summer
mornings. I quietly lay in the jury
box of my bed and listen to
the counter-arguments of birds grow
to sweet clamors. I know, like me,
someone sitting at a kitchen table
in my neighborhood is taking down notes
between bites of granola and gentle sips
of oolong tea and recording
their loud trills. The pen is her large
antenna to the mysteries which come
in alternate currents of slapstick
and calamity. She slowly writes away
her nights of emptiness and boredom.
We’d be perfect in a Bergman film,
both of us slowly entering into day
seeking the final appearance of things.
A delivery truck backs into a drive-way.
The streets begin their warm breathing.
Chocolate Chip Cookie Cake
Makes one 9” round cookie cake
You could call this a cake, or really just a giant cookie—either way, I love how soft and chewy it is, with crinkly, firmer edges. It’s good for cutting into wedges and freezing. You don’t have to underbake it slightly but…I mean, you should.
Ingredients
3/4 cup (170g) unsalted butter, room temperature
3/4 cup (160g) brown sugar
1/4 cup (50g) granulated sugar
1 egg + 1 egg yolk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 cups (240g) all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon cornstarch
1 teaspoon baking soda
3/4 teaspoon salt
1 cup (170g) semi-sweet or dark chocolate chips or chopped chocolate
Directions
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Grease (or line with parchment and then grease) a 9” round cake pan.
Cream together the butter and both sugars until pale and fluffy, about 4 minutes at medium speed in a stand mixer.
Add the egg and beat well, then add the egg yolk and vanilla and beat well again.
Add the flour, cornstarch, baking soda, and salt and mix to combine, scraping down the bowl as needed.
Stir in the chocolate chips.
Press the dough into the prepared pan. Bake for 20 to 25 minutes, or until the edges are golden brown and the top feels set.
Remove from the oven and let cool in the pan before slicing. Alternatively, scoop some ice cream right on top and dive into that baby with spoons while still warm. No need to stand on ceremony here.